and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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