Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
