I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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