can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
