He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
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Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
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He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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