What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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