Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
