They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
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