I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
