Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
