by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
