you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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