I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
