when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Randomize
