I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
COCAINE IS GR8
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
