Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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