i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
No subtext here. People are naked.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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