Banned from zoo.
Again?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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