I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
