I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
