The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
