Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
