You're my little dorito
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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