Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
