My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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