I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
