cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
