Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Randomize
