I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I think im going to throw up on grandma
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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