There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
