so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
