Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
