Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Randomize
