I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize