cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
