he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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