It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
