dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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