I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
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