I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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