Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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