If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
