You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
