We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
