After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I am midnight drunk by noon
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
