Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
