Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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