I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
