we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
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If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
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I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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