Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
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I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
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My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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