i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
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captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
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Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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