You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Is Oprah even human
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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