i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
