i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
