Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
