THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
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as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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