Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
