drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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