what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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