i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
