You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
