Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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