So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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