If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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