Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
