he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
