just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
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