he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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