Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
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