he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
How's work?
Spinning.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
