yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
