Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
