Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
