I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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