she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
