It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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