Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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