How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
