Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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