Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I believe in your delicious
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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