it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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